


a reason for waking {lynn gunn au}

by GWritesNovels



Category: PVRIS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Diners, Angst, Diners, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Psychosis, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-03-15 22:52:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13623183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GWritesNovels/pseuds/GWritesNovels
Summary: "I'll go to sleep at a decent time when I find something worth waking up for." ---Flatsound, "Sleep"In which Lynn works the late shift at a diner and becomes intrigued by the pretty girl who always comes in with earbuds in and drying tear stains on her face.





	1. m e e t i n g

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for checking out this fic! It really means a lot to me.

"This world is a masterpiece," Lynn murmurs in the middle of the night, smiling a little to herself. The words bounce around her head, the same ones that she wrote down years ago.

It's nights like these that remind her of how true those words are.

Streetlights shine down onto the sidewalk, casting a lively glow in the night. The moon is high in the sky, stars burning in the distance. Headlights flash briefly, and her eyes always lock with the driver's for a split second before they head to a destination that will forever remain a mystery to the young woman.

Everything feels possible, and Lynn feels alive again, like she can finally breathe.

Night is when she is finally able to wake up.

The soft hum of music is the only sound audible in the diner. The lights flicker, which breaks Lynn out of her thoughts occasionally. She wishes she could fix them, but there are no bulbs in the diner, and she can't leave. The blonde is mainly just looking for something to do. The cleaning has been done, dishes put away, and now she just has to wait.

Lynn gets up from her booth and begins to wander around the diner, looking at the old seats of worn red leather and the black and white tiles that she's recently swept over. The clicks of her boots sound like a beat, and she stops at the counter, drumming her fingers against it.

She's always loved music; she just wishes she had the courage to pursue it. She shouldn't have turned Alex, Brian, and Justin down when they decided to actually try to do something with their dreams. She should've said yes. The boys are still practicing at Alex's place, but they only have instrumentals and need a lyricist. Lynn doesn't think she'll ever stop beating herself up for deciding to turn them down. She's too nervous and self-conscious to change her mind, but part of her really wants to know how it would feel, putting her words out into the world.

Maybe in another life, she's onstage with a guitar and her best friends, singing the words---the ones she'd never even dreamed of sharing with anyone---at the top of her lungs. Feeling the release as her emotions were finally out of her and helping other people, making them feel content and giving them hope.

Now, at twelve thirty in the morning, she can almost feel the exhilaration---the roars of guitars and bangs of drums and bass riffs under hot lights in a small room, people singing along with all of the things she thinks, things she feels, and her heart swells with joy, love, and pure energy.

Then she opens her eyes to the dim, flickering lights of an empty diner, alone once more, the emptiness filling her chest.

If only.

With a small sigh, the young woman looks down at the counter, where her rough sketch for class is lying on top of her binder. She finished shading the portrait of the girl just a few minutes ago, and it looks okay, she guesses. In her mind's eye, though, it could be a lot better. She's been working on it for days now, erasing and ripping and redrawing, trying to get everything just right. It's just a woman, but she has to go beyond this really soon, and she can't screw up. Lynn hasn't felt as inspired lately, and while writing or drawing usually helps her out, feels like a lifeline, it now feels like the ink is blood and she's bleeding out, slowly dying with every drop of black that drips onto the paper.

This feeling isn't the greatest to have while enrolled in art school.

The last few nights have been coated in both appreciation and frustration, and Lynn gets the feeling that tonight will be no different. 

She picks up the pen and pencil again, mentally cursing herself for being such a perfectionist. What needs to be fixed now? She taps the edge of the eraser against her chin, biting her lip slightly and looking around, trying to decide if she really wants to do this again tonight.

A figure catches her eye, and her gaze flits back over to the window, where someone is walking past the shop. They're garbed in black, almost camouflaged into their surroundings, and walking slowly with their head down. They're on the taller side, and they have their hands shoved in their pockets, shoulders drooping.

Then the most surprising thing of all: the stranger turns at the door, and Lynn blinks slowly in astonishment as the bell rings. Then she has to blink again as the stranger turns slightly, not seeming to have noticed her yet, and pulls off the hood, revealing one of the most beautiful women Lynn has had the pleasure of seeing in her twenty-three years on Earth.

The stranger has raven hair falling down her back in long waves. Her hazel eyes are flickering around the place almost anxiously. Her hands are shaking as she clutches to the hem of her quarter-sleeved shirt, fumbling with it in an attempt to keep them steady. Her porcelain complexion is smooth, and Lynn can see a small black tattoo peeking out of the bottom of her sleeves. As her head turns, there's a small glint of light, and the girl's small nose ring is revealed. She keeps her head low, almost as if she doesn't want to be seen. She picks the seat in the very back of the diner, curling up in the corner. 

Lynn pushes the drawing aside; she can concern herself with that later. Then she grabs her pen and notepad and smiles softly as she heads over to the pretty customer, her heart beginning to flutter a little. Then she hears something that sounds a lot like muffled sobbing and a small thud. She rushes over a little more quickly to find the other woman sitting with her head down, shoulders heaving, and her clenched hand on the table. She clenches it even more tightly and raises it a little, letting it fall again. Her head lifts up a little, as if she's going to look up, but she lets that go as well, allowing it to collide with the table. It sounds like it hurts, and Lynn silently winces. Slowly, she reaches out for the other woman, concern filling her gut. What was going on?

"Are you okay?" she murmurs quietly, resting the reassuring hand on the raven-haired girl's shoulder. Finally aware that she has company, the taller woman raises her head to look at Lynn. Her eyes are filled with sadness, and now that she's up close, Lynn can see drying tear tracks running down the other girl's face, as well as earbuds in her ears. She pulls one out and looks at the blonde, biting her lip.

"Yeah," she says quietly, not able to meet Lynn's gaze. "I just---I guess I just needed to leave home and go somewhere unfamiliar. I'm so sorry for bothering you, I wasn't---didn't think---I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey, you're totally okay," Lynn says gently, hoping to calm the panicking girl. "Is there anything that you need to talk about? I'd be happy to listen."

The stranger seems to hesitate, running her hand up and down her other arm nervously. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." Lynn gives her a small smile, and when the other girl nods, she asks, "Is it okay if I sit down with you?" She nods again, and Lynn allows her hand to slip off of her shoulder and moves over to the other side of the booth, sitting in front of the girl. "Take your time, okay? You can tell me whatever you're comfortable with. I honestly don't mind."

The girl gives her a tiny but grateful smile, and Lynn's heart swells so much and beats so fast that she thinks it's going to burst. She can see the hesitation in the features of the other woman, like the way she bites her lip and knits her eyebrows together slightly, still looking everywhere but at the blonde who wants to help. Finally, she speaks, her voice smaller than ever. "I, um---my thoughts got too loud, I think. I got scared. It's okay, though. It happens sometimes, and I'm honestly used to it now. I get really panicked over it for no reason, and it's stupid, and I just...hate it. I'm sorry." The girl gets more and more nervous as she keeps talking, and her gaze keeps flickering to the window, almost as if she wishes she could escape through it and never come back.

But Lynn wants her to come back.

Slowly, she reaches out for the poor, beautiful, worried girl. "Do you mind if I---?" she asks, motioning to the stranger's hands with her own. When she gets a head shake, Lynn places her hands gently over them, squeezing them reassuringly. "It's okay. It's all going to be okay. Just breathe, alright? This is a safe place." She rubs small circles into the girl's skin with her thumb. "I'm sorry that you feel this way, but please don't be sorry for coming here."

"Thank you." Her voice is honestly one of the most relaxing things the blonde has ever heard, smooth like honey and a little on the deeper side but still timid. Lynn can tell that she's loosening up a little bit, not as guarded as she was when she came in a moment ago.

"You're welcome. What's your name?"

"Emily."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Emily. I'm Lyndsey. You can call me that, or Lynn, or whatever you'd like." They exchange kind smiles for a moment before Lynn giggles, looking down at her small name tag, which contrasts vastly with her fully black clothing. "I guess you probably could've guessed that on your own."

Emily laughs, too, even less tense than before. "It's okay. I like you talking more. Your voice is really soothing." She grimaces for a moment, then gives Lynn a nervous smile. "Sorry, that was weird, wasn't it? It sounded better in my head."

"No, it wasn't weird, I promise," Lynn laughs. A small silence falls over them before she realizes that she's still holding onto Emily's hands, and she can feel heat rushing into her face. "Could I get you anything at all?"

Emily raises her eyebrows slightly for a second, as if she's forgotten the establishment that she's walked into. Then the realization enters her features, and it becomes normal again. "Oh, yes. Could I have a cup of chamomile tea, please?"

"Of course," Lynn smiles, finally moving her hands away and rising from her seat, hoping that her blush isn't too obvious. As she starts to make it, she can't help but hang up the small sign that resides on top of the cupboard, the one that Alex, Brian, and Justin made for her that states "Tea Queen at work, proceed with caution." A small chair is moved, the sign comes down, and it is posted on the wall in front of the kitchen door.

As the tea brews, she looks out of the tiny window in the kitchen, trying to decide whether or not to go back out there to talk more while waiting. Of course, she wants to help Emily feel better, and leaving her alone with those kinds of thoughts is probably not a move that will help with that. On the other hand, she knows that in that state of mind, it's also extremely easy to feel crowded and claustrophobic because of the constant discussing and surrounding. 

Another car drives by, and it's odd to watch it without locking eyes with the driver. Where is their destination? What's driving them there? Metaphorically, of course. Lynn will never know. But she does know one thing: something drove this new girl into the diner in the middle of the night. Something drove her to walk through here, and instead of walking on by, turning to the right and entering. Why did she pick this place, of all the ones that she could've gone to? 

Lynn hopes that, for the first time, she will be able to get answers at some point.

The tea finishes brewing, and Lynn takes it out to Emily in a large mug. The dark-haired girl is staring out the window as Lynn approaches, and she can tell that Emily's deep in thought. Her expression is one of slight worry, and maybe a hint of horror, but one of the floorboards creaks under the blonde's weight and she whips around again. Her eyes widen in horror, but then she relaxes.

What did she see outside? And who did she think Lynn was in that split second?

"Sorry," Lynn says, setting the cup down in front of her. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay. I just scare really easily." Emily's tone is a little more dark than before, as if there's more that she's holding in. Lynn nods and sits down again, waiting as the other girl takes a sip. "Thank you. This is really good." Lynn smiles and looks down, running a hand through her hair while murmuring her gratitude. She hopes it's audible.

Another wave of silence falls over them, this one more comfortable than the last. Both women look out the window. The blonde's head is swimming with questions, but she's worried about making the other girl feel nervous. She really wants to get to know her. Emily seems very interesting, and she also wants to make sure that the dark-haired girl is really okay.

This time, it's Emily who breaks the silence. "Thank you for taking the time to talk with me. I guess I'll head out now. You're closing in a moment, aren't you?" As Lynn opens her mouth to question how she knows this, Emily quickly adds, "I saw the hours on the door. I don't want to keep you waiting on me." She pulls out a wad of crumpled bills from her pocket. "How much do I owe you?"

"You're okay," Lynn reassures her again. "And nothing. It's on the house."

"Are you sure?" The blonde nods. "Thank you so much, Lynn. You're really sweet."

"Thank you, so are you." Emily smiles and rises, turning around and beginning to walk away. "Come back any time you need to. I'm always here at this time if you ever want to talk. Be safe out there." She catches one last grin on the other girl's face, and then she disappears down the street from which she came.

The silence feels a little less heavy on her shoulders now, and she doesn't feel as lonely as before. Though Emily probably won't come back, that time with her was really nice, and she wants to make sure that she feels better.

She makes sure that everything is off, takes the sign down, and pulls out her keys to prepare for the end of her night. Heading outside, she looks down the pathway that Emily walked. 

"Definitely a masterpiece," Lynn murmurs with a small smile as she locks up.


	2. l e a r n i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alex, Brian, and Justin learn of Emily, making Lynn flustered, and the blonde gets to learn more about the cute raven-haired girl when she comes back.

Lynn wakes up to rays of sunlight creeping through her window, a new beginning. She grins a little bit, admiring it briefly before rolling onto her stomach and shifting her head to the other direction. A warm feeling of contentment washes over her, running through her veins and wiping out the dark, lonely feeling that had consumed her for the better part of the night before.

Some of the warm, happy feeling probably also comes from the fact that it is a very rare day, one in which she doesn't have class at all and doesn't have to go into work until ten o'clock in the evening. She actually has the whole day to herself.

Also, Emily may or may not have a little bit to do with it.

As the thought enters her head, the blonde smiles and snuggles into the covers a little more. She really hopes that the other girl will be there tonight. She wants Emily to feel safe, happy with where she is.

All of a sudden, her phone buzzes against the nightstand, and she rolls over to pick it up, squinting slightly at the bright screen. Band practice today at two! Wanna hang? We could use a plus one! Brian has texted, making Lynn grin again.

Sure! I'll definitely be over. A smiley face is added to the end of the message, and then it's sent. There's still some time before she has to get ready to go, so she gets out of bed, stretching a little. Then she looks around the room and begins cleaning, making the bed, and everything else that she can think of to make time pass.

There's a restless feeling building up inside. It runs through veins, tears through cardiac muscle, and spills everywhere. It's a restlessness that is dying to get its hands on instruments, get to working on something different, creating. It's a restlessness that is dying to speak to a girl, one with raven hair and sad eyes and a soft voice that is music to Lynn's ears.

This restlessness isn't sated by cleaning. It can only be satisfied by working as hard as she can, allowing the ink to flow out of her veins and coat the page, taking every single thing that she's feeling inside and making it come to life.

Quickly, she places the last pillow back on her freshly-made bed and rushes over to her desk, the ideas already starting to flow. Lynn quickly picks up a pen and flips through her journal, page after page blurring together until she finally finds the correct stopping point, a blank page.

Beauty.

Is it possible that she can make it more beautiful by staining it?

Hopefully.

Taking a deep breath, enjoying the rush, she begins.

Some days I feel everything, others are numbing.

~ ~ ~

At two in the afternoon, Lynn pulls up to Alex's house, the usual place for the band to make music. She pulls the slightly beaten-up journal and her favorite guitar out of her passenger side seat before walking up the steps and knocking on the door quietly. After a moment, the face of her friend appears in the screen door and smiles widely. "Lyndsey, come on in!" Alex says brightly, stepping aside to offer room. "We were just warming up."

She grins and steps in, hearing the sounds of Brian playing notes on his bass and Justin working on drums. When she looks, Alex already has his guitar slung over his shoulder on its strap. She's the only one that hasn't gotten to prepare yet. Quickly, she places her own guitar around her and sets her papers down before tuning it. Then she heads downstairs to meet the other boys, Alex by her side. "What have you guys been working on?"

"Just putting the finishing touches on the songs that we were working on last week," Alex replies with a grin, showing his teeth. It always warms Lynn's heart to see her best friend so happy, especially when he's so shy.

"You really like that one, don't you?"

"I think all of the guys do."

That makes her smile. "So do I. I guess we have one unanimous favorite to play." His grin grows wider as he opens the door for her again, uttering a joking "m'lady" and doing a small bow as Lynn enters the basement. 

"Hey, guys!" she calls out upon entrance, waving to Brian and Justin across the room. They smile and wave back enthusiastically.

"We're working on Untitled Four!" Brian calls in the middle of his riff, playing happily. Justin nods, keeping his focus on the drums and bouncing a little to the beat excitedly. Alex picks his guitar up and joins where they left off, Lynn doing the same. 

They play it through a time or two more, the exhilaration and heat filling the room. This is something that makes them all happy, regardless of where they make it, and Lynn is grateful every single day for this bonding time.

After the second full playthrough, Justin wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead and looks to Lynn hopefully. "Didn't you say that you felt like the beat of this song pretty much matched some of your lyrics perfectly?" Alex and Brian, seeming to have just remembered this, turn to Lynn with a quizzical, hopeful expression. She looks at their raised eyebrows and quirked-up lips and sighs a little.

"I did," she murmurs shyly, looking at the ground. "I could work on singing it with the music, if you want." Her heart races a little faster, with both excitement and fear. Of course she still wants to sing and play, but the words are just so heavy on her chest. All of them. She's scared of being judged. Not exactly by her greatest friends in the world, but in case this has a chance of going further. She wants to help others, but the war in her head never seems to end, no matter how much time she's given it.

Plus, the excitement on the boys' faces are worth it. Slowly, she bites her lip and listens as they begin again, playing along. At the right part, the one that she's imagined in her mind for so long, she frees her voice. "Yeah, you've got it all, but you've got it all wrong."

Her soul is lighter.

Her mind aches less.

There is power running through her now.

A smile forms on her face.

She can finally feel something that's not the touch of dark thoughts on her neck.

The weight of the world in her head is almost non-existent now.

For five minutes, Lyndsey Gunnulfsen feels free.

As the last notes fade into nothing, the boys clap, cheering for her, and Lynn can feel a tiny blush rising in her cheeks. "Thank you," she laughs nervously, her nose twitching slightly. There's a rush of her hand through her hair, and then her hands are back on the guitar. For some reason, she wants to do it all again. "Would you guys like to do another one?"

"Are you kidding? Of course we would!" Brian exclaims, pumping his fist in the air excitedly. A giggle escapes the mouths of everyone, and Lynn hands him the journal.  
"You guys pick from all of these, and we can play whichever one it is." Alex and Justin move from their respective positions, reading over Brian's shoulder and exchanging quiet murmurs with each other. Lynn stands a few feet away from them nervously, not able to stop her fingers from gliding through her hair. What if they didn't like any of them?

Finally, they all take a step back and Brian hands the journal back to her. "Whoa, Lyndsey. These are all incredible. I don't know how we're supposed to pick one." They all exchange glances, and Brian continues, "But we guess we'll go with 'White Noise.'"

Lynn smiles, taking the book back gratefully. "Thank you guys. Thank you so much."

"No problem," Alex says, ruffling her hair until it gets slightly messed up. She giggles, moving away from him and placing the book back on the wooden table. "We always told you that you had a ton of talent."

"Thanks again. 'White Noise' is," she drags the last word out as she thinks of which instrumental will match the best, "Untitled Five." The boys nod, moving back to their instruments, picking them up, and Lynn is free for four more minutes.

~ ~ ~

"Come on," Justin begs, "one last song!"

Somehow, the boys have convinced Lynn to play over half of the songs that she's written, always insisting that they're only going to ask her for one more. Yet here they are almost an hour later, still going.

But she can't say no to her brothers from another mother.

"Okay," she smiles, giving in. Justin excitedly passes the book to Alex, allowing him his turn. The tallest boy begins flipping through, getting closer and closer to the end. Lynn counts nervously, swallowing hard as he flips past "Half" and stops on the very last thing she's written. Quickly, he turns it to face her, and Brian and Justin crowd to see it as well.

Clouded sheets of glass behind hazel eyes---

"Working on something new?" he asks happily. Lynn nods, hoping that no more questions will be asked. Of course, it's no big deal, but she just hopes that no one finds it weird that she's beginning to write about a girl that she met last night.

Lynn has no intention of making the song romantic, just friendly, but she just can't get those eyes out of her head. The light, the reflection, that glint of something that was there behind all of the darkness.

"Is this about somebody?" Brian asks, smirking a little. Lynn's nose twitches again as she nods, not able to stop her lips from quirking upwards at the thought of Emily. "Who is she?"

"Her name is Emily," Lynn confesses. "I met her last night at the diner, and she's extremely kind. I want to get to know her. She seems like an extremely bright soul, very interesting." The boys all make audible sounds of happiness, and then all move around her for a group hug.

"We're calling you Emilynn," Justin decides as his arms wrap around all of them.

"Guys---"

"Emilynn," Alex repeats with a smile. "I love it."

"Guys---," Lynn tries again, but to no avail.

"Emilynn it is," Brian decides against Lynn's tiny protests. "Cute just like you two."

"You don't even know her," she reminds them with a laugh, giving up. They can ship her with the new girl as much as they want. It's not going to hurt anything. Plus, Lynn's heart does a little flutter every time they push the names together.

"If she sticks around with you long enough, we will," Justin teases. "I can't wait to meet your girlfriend."

Lynn gives up, smiling and laughing at her boys. The feeling she has right now is a wonderful one, only to increase tonight if the aforementioned girl does show up after all.  
Lynn is truly happy, and everything feels amazing.

~ ~ ~

When the bell rings softly at midnight, the blonde is actually ready to cry from joy.

She came.

Emily has actually come back.

She's still wearing black, a leather jacket this time---one that makes Lynn's heart skip a beat---along with blue jeans and combat boots. The blonde smiles and walks over to the raven-haired girl quickly, hoping that she doesn't make another attempt like last night. Emily doesn't. Instead, she takes her seat in the back again and turns her head before looking over at Lynn, smiling a little and beckoning her over.

Lynn's soul ascends from her body for a moment as she makes her way to the booth, sitting in front of the lovely girl once more.

It kills her inside to realize that Emily's cheeks are still stained with recent tears. One earbud is still dangling, the other tucked delicately into her ear. The dark-haired girl brushes her hair behind one ear, and Lynn can see that she has them pierced thrice, all of the small earrings black. She wants to guess that black is Emily's favorite color to wear, too.

"Good evening," Emily says, her voice still smooth and deep, sweet. Lynn smiles unconsciously, hoping to soak up her attention. "How has your day been?"

"It's been great," Lynn replies. "How about yours?"

"It's been---it's been a day." By the tone of her voice, Lynn can tell that this isn't exactly a positive thing. "But that's okay."

The blonde bites her lip, resting her hand on top of the other girl's once more. "Are you okay?" she asks quietly.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

The simple word breaks Lynn's heart. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe someday." Her words are still soft, more hopeful, and Lynn begins tracing more circles on Emily's hand with her thumb, smiling a little at the insinuation.

There may actually be more nights like this, some of which may be even better.

"Take your time, honey." There is a short pause, and Lynn can hear a quiet noise drifting out of the hanging earbud. "What are you listening to?"

"Flatsound. He's really good." Emily hesitates for a split second, and Lynn can see the worry in her eyes. Then it's replaced by something better, and Lynn smiles as the other girl takes the earbud and extends it to Lynn. "Would you like to listen?" Lynn gratefully takes the earbud, then allows the soft music to fill her head.  
Now this is a moment.

Soft words, softer instruments, and Emily.

They listen to the words of sadness and hope, appreciating them, and Lynn gives her back the earbud. "That was beautiful."

Emily nods, smiling and tucking another strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah. It's my favorite of his. I feel like I can truly relate to it."

"Those songs are the best. Which part, if you don't mind my asking?"

"'I'll go to sleep at a decent time when I find something worth waking up for.' It just---there's a ton of resonance there. You know what I mean?" Lynn nods, looking down at the table. A certain sorrow fills her heart for the other girl. It takes darkness to know darkness.

After a moment, Lynn speaks. "So, Emily, tell me a little about yourself. If I'm going to be seeing you a little more, I'd like to know more about the pretty mystery woman that keeps on walking in." Her eyes widen slightly as the word pretty makes its way out of her mouth, but the only thing the other girl does is blush, the pink coloring her beautiful porcelain skin perfectly.

"Are you sure?" Emily asks. "I mean, I don't want to talk about myself too much. Tell me about yourself, too."

Lynn smiles. "You want to get to know me?" she asks shyly, her nose twitch making yet another debut. She really has to stop getting nervous so easily. Emily nods. "Alright, I will. I promise. But please go first. You seem a lot more interesting than little old me."

The other girl smiles, shaking her head. "I could say the same for you. But if you insist." Lynn scoots forward, listening as Emily spills out all of the things she loves: skateboarding, the colors black and yellow, chemistry, drawing, and everything in nature. She listens as Emily tells her stories about her and her older brother, all of the adventures they shared as kids. Lynn sympathizes with her when she states that her relationship with her mother is almost non-existent, but is excited when she states that the one she has with her father is unbreakable. Lynn absorbs everything about her, from her tiny nervous ticks like tapping on the table and fidgeting with the hem of her shirt again to the way that her eyes keep meeting the blonde's, and she looks happy every single time.

In turn, Lynn tells Emily about her own older brother and her love for music, the good relationships with her parents and loving cats. There is discussion of art schools and her passion and everything else that Lynn can think of.

The two girls talk and laugh until morning.

It's only then do they notice that their hands have been touching the whole time.


	3. l i s t e n i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alex, Brian, and Justin listen to Lynn talk about Emily (because Lynn doesn't know how to shut up about her), and Lynn later listens to a few of Emily's concerns.

Lynn bites her lip as she looks down, heading to her next class. She pulls her black jacket a little tighter around her body, already missing the warmth from inside. All she's been able to think of today is Emily and sleep. She's been heavily deprived of both for the past few hours.

Brian already texted her about the other girl today, suggesting that Lynn is falling in love with her. Lynn knows that it's impossible. You can't fall in love with someone just by looking at them. There isn't love at first sight. It's lust, plain and simple. Yes, she will admit that she has fallen in lust a little bit with Emily, seeing as the other girl is drop dead gorgeous, but she's also loving her personality, too.

Is there a possibility that she likes the raven-haired girl as a friend, heading to more?

Yes.

It's definitely more probable than not.

But Lynn will deny the thought of love until she's absolutely sure. 

She shifts her heavy bag on her shoulder, wincing a little from the pain. There's way too much stuff in there right now, but she knows she's going to need it all sooner or later. The lack of sleep makes this task a lot harder, since she can't concentrate and doesn't have as much energy, but she doesn't regret staying up last night at all. It's all worth it.   
Wait, did she even grab her drawings when she locked up this morning?

There's a frantic patting of the contents in her bag. "Nope," Lynn whispers to herself, withdrawing her hand with a tiny sigh. Were those all due today? If they are, she's screwed. Quickly, she runs through her calendar today, remembering that it's Friday. Nothing today, everything is due Monday or later.

Lynn breathes a sigh of relief and continues walking, looking at all of the leaves falling around the campus. Everything is so beautiful around this time of year. It's a time of decay, but as it has been said many times before, destruction is a form of creation. This is the time for burial, the time for birth coming in a few months. Each is beautiful and poetic in its own way.

Seasons remind Lynn that there is a time for everything.

Slowly, her train of thought derails, coming back to the present. She finally realizes that she's been walking at a snail's pace, admiring everything around her just a little too much. The blonde rolls her eyes at herself and picks up the pace, not wanting to be late for class. As she passes the familiar wooden benches and old statues of important people to the college, she begins to think again.

She really needs to finish the drawing of the woman soon. There's something that she's not really digging about it, though. Part of her wants to just rip it up and throw it in the trash, but she doesn't know what or who her next subject will be if she chooses to do that instead of going through with it.  
A quick thought flashes through her mind in an instant: Emily.

She shakes her head for a moment, knowing that she can't just straight-up ask the girl if she can stay with her for hours just to get a perfect drawing or painting of her. Their friendship hasn't reached that level yet, no matter how much Lynn would love getting to see her for that long.

Now that the idea is in her head, though, it flourishes, taking on a life of its own and going on and on; it comes up with conversation topics so Emily won't be bored, what paints will work the best, which drawing technique could work, and so many other things. Lynn has to shake her head again to make all of it stop.

Trying to get the other girl out of her head, at least for a few minutes, the blonde makes her way into the classroom, hoping that she can make a decision soon.  
~ ~ ~

"Are you seeing Emily again tonight?" Alex asks as he and Lynn walk down the sidewalk. They've been practicing again, and Lynn joined them as soon as she got out of class. All of them are taking a small break now, and the two have decided that they want a little bit of air from being in the basement for so long.

"I hope so," Lynn says, a tiny smile beginning to play on her lips. "She has been coming for the last couple of nights in a row. I really hope that it continues. She's very kind, and I like her a lot." When she sees Alex raise his eyebrows slightly, she gives him a playful shove. "Not like that!" She can feel her face turning red, and she hopes that Alex doesn't notice in the fading light of the sunset.

"Sure, Lyndsey," he replies with a knowing smirk. "When are you going to ask her out, and when are we going to get to meet her?"

She laughs again, running a hand through her hair. "A little too early for that, don't you think? We just met a couple of days ago. We've gotta have the chance to be friends first."

"I know. You're just really adorable when you're happy. And you're like my little sister, you know? I've gotta make sure you're being treated right." He wraps his arm around Lynn and pulls her into a one-armed embrace, which she returns gratefully. Alex gives fantastic hugs.

Even after the embrace is over, they keep their arms slung casually around the other's shoulders, Alex keeping Lynn steady as she attempts to walk on the edge of the pavement, giggling before biting her lip in determination. "I swear you're about seven years old sometimes," he laughs. 

"Excuse me, I'm eight," Lynn corrects, looking up at him and losing her balance in the process. She manages to catch herself a second or two before she could've possibly twisted her ankle, and Alex steadying her helps, too. "Thanks," she says, shooting him a large grin.

"You're welcome," he says. "In return, tell me about this girl that's stolen your heart."

Lynn lets out a small sigh, finally giving in. "Okay. Would you like the short version or the long version?"

"How long is the extended version, exactly?"

"Over the span of a few hours."

"Short version, please," he selects quickly, making Lynn chuckle. 

"That's what I figured." Lynn wracks her brains, trying to find a way to shorten all of the information down to a few minutes. She would say that she should just weed through and pick the important parts. But every single syllable is important to her.

She gives Alex a rundown of the other girl's hobbies, such as the drawing and skating, and that's all that she has time for because she can't stop rambling about the way that Emily had said those words or how passionate she had looked or how happy she had seemed while talking about them. The last thing she gets to say before they're back at Alex's house is, "She really loves music."

Does Emily like musicians, though? Is she attracted to them?

"I don't know, why don't you ask her tonight?" Lynn jumps when she hears Brian's voice behind her ear. She turns to see her best friend standing with a smirk on his face, and a second passes before she registers that her thought was spoken out loud.

Before she can redeem herself, Alex and Justin walk past her, casting knowing glances, and Justin grins before muttering in her ear, "And you say it's not attraction," before passing on into the house.

~ ~ ~

Writer's block is going to be the death of her.

She's been sitting here for what feels like ages, already having cleaned up again---the diner was never very busy, so there was never too much to do---and just spending time in her and Emily's booth, working while waiting for the other girl to show.

Well, trying to work. Success seems impossible at this point.

Especially since practice ended the way it did today. Besides accidentally wondering out loud whether or not Emily would like the songs she's written (and getting pestered by the boys because of it), Lynn was also asked---for the umpteenth time---whether she was sure about staying out of the band. The boys have all been insisting that there's no band without any of them, and that includes her. Not only this, but she also has allowed that one word that she severely dislikes slip from her lips. It's a word of uncertainty, used in the most gray of times, and the odds could go in either way, but people still get their hopes up a lot.

"Maybe." 

And she's been here ever since, waiting for a girl who maybe likes her enough to call the blonde a friend, maybe waiting for something more. Maybe she'll join the band, or maybe she'll finish college and have a degree in art, though she's not totally sure where she'll go after that. Maybe she'll find happiness some day, warmth in the sea of sadness and doubt. Or maybe she'll just swim through the dark waters, waiting for a light that will never come.

The possibilities are endless.

A bell chime comes before midnight, and Lynn shoves away her half-finished work and smiles as Emily approaches. The other girl smiles back, looking a little more sad this time. Her tear tracks are more fresh, almost as if she was crying all the way up until she opened the door. 

"Emily, honey, are you okay?" asks Lynn, her eyebrows knitting together as she reaches out for her friend. 

"Yeah, sorry," Emily responds, reaching up and wiping a still-running tear from one eye. "It's just been a bit of a rough day."

"You can talk about it if you need to, or I can distract you, if you want," Lynn offers. "Whatever makes you feel a little more on the okay side." 

The raven-haired girl gives her a tiny, grateful smile. "Thank you. Everything seems to have just been---dark, today. I can't explain how so. It's just---" She pauses for a moment, and Lynn nods, waiting patiently for her to continue. "I'm terrified. There are so many people out there, people who do horrible things, and I'm petrified of them coming for me. I don't want them to. But what if they do?"

"I know, honey. It's understandable, and it is a scary thought," the blonde says soothingly. "If it does happen, though, there are people who will keep you safe. People who will protect you. But there's also a chance, a much greater one, that nobody horrible will come for you."

Emily nods, gazing down at the table as if there's something more that she wants to say. But then she appears to shake it off and looks up again. "Can---Can I ask you one more question, Lynn?" she asks, her voice as soft as the blonde has ever heard it.

"Of course," Lynn murmurs, giving the taller girl an encouraging smile.

"Why do you think I wake? Is there---Is there a reason for it?"

The questions tear Lynn's heart to shreds. 

"You have a reason for waking, honey. I promise you do. Maybe you don't know what it is, yet, but you have a purpose, and I swear that you're going to find it. Please keep going. It's going to be worth it in the end, I promise."

Another tear rolls down Emily's cheek, and without thinking, Lynn caresses her face, wiping the tear away. "Thank you," the other girl murmurs, so quietly that the blonde has to strain to hear her. "Thank you so much. It feels like you're really listening, and not just hearing my words." For reasons unknown to Lynn, Emily seems to be struggling to catch her breath. It's slightly alarming, but Lynn doesn't want to just blurt anything out, especially if it's opening up something that Emily isn't comfortable with sharing yet.

Emily looks up at Lynn in surprise, but then her lips quirk up slightly. Lynn smiles back, running her thumb over the other girl's cheek once more for the heck of it, and then she moves her hand away again. "Of course, you deserve to be listened to." Another pause. "So, Emily, who are you listening to tonight?"

"I Am Waiting For You Last Summer," she responds, holding out her free earbud. Lynn takes it and puts it in her ear, just like last night. An explosion of beautiful sound begins playing in her head. Freedom, just like Alex and Brian and Justin seem to make on their own. Nothing but breathtaking instrumentation, the beautiful emotions projected through sound. 

She's in love.

Hesitantly, she begins to try to give the earbud back, but Emily smiles. "Keep it in, if you want. I can tell you like it." Lynn smiles and nods, writing the band name down on the corner of her nearby papers. 

"Yeah, it's really beautiful."

"Luckily enough, I have their whole discography." If Emily didn't seem so innocent, Lynn could swear that her words have a double meaning, one of getting to stay longer with the blonde just to be with her. Plus, the tunes are starting to sound more romantic.

Get a hold of yourself, Gunnulfsen, Lynn thinks. Be cool. Don't think like that, you absolutely cannot screw this up.

"You can keep working, if you want," Emily says. "I won't bother you. Or I could go if it'd make it any easier---" She begins to stand, as if preparing to get politely kicked out.

"You're okay," Lynn says quickly. "You can stay if you want. I'm not really feeling all that inspired tonight, anyway. It's all good."

"Okay," the other girl says, sitting back down. "So, do you have any good recommendations for artists?"

~ ~ ~

Three hours after the shop is supposed to be closed, Lynn and Emily both go their separate ways, both of them smiling. Lynn's still feeling warm and light, and she holds the note that Emily wrote close to her chest, filled with more post-rock bands that she may enjoy, front and back.

Knowing that Emily might go home and turn on something that Lynn told her about, like Florence + The Machine or Zola Blood, is enough to make her heart flutter once more.   
There's a twisting feeling in her gut, though, about what Emily was discussing earlier, about why she's waking in the first place. No matter how happy Lynn is that she has had a great talk with a friend today, it's still in the back of her head and in the pit of her stomach.

Something is going to happen.

The thought follows Lynn to bed, and hangs in her head until she's curled up and shaking, her nerves wracked, in the light of the morning sun.


	4. m i s s i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which she doesn't show.

"How do you tell someone something about you, something that you're afraid of them knowing?" Emily brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, then takes a sip of her tea. Lynn jumps and looks up from her sketch of the scenery outside, not expecting the comfortable silence to be broken so soon.

Lynn shifts in her seat, trying to think of the best way to answer the other girl's question. While she does, another part of her brain keeps going as well. What is she thinking about telling someone, and who is that someone? The way Emily has said it, it sounds like the secret is extremely dark, extremely heavy on the raven-haired girl's fragile shoulders. The blonde hopes that everything is alright.

"Well, you don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to," she answers gently, folding her hands together.

"Okay, I guess I want to, but I'm just afraid of the reaction that I'll get when I tell the person," she says, looking out the window and tapping nervously on the table, fumbling with her red flannel with the other hand. "It's definitely something that I've been struggling with for a little while, and I really want this person to know because they're special to me and it's really important, but I just don't know how. I'm afraid of judgement, or of something else, I don't know. It's just really terrifying."

"Just take your time, honey," Lynn advises. "That's the best thing I know to do. If this person truly cares for you, then it shouldn't change the way that the person looks at you. But I'm sure they love you, and I'm sure that they want to know whatever it is. No matter what happens, you are so brave. Everything will be okay."

"Thank you." She smiles and looks at the shorter girl. "Honestly, Lynn, I don't know what I did to deserve coming here, to deserve to meet you. We've only known each other for a few days, but you're such a genuine, kind person and I really enjoy coming here."

"Thank you, you're so sweet," the blonde says, blushing again. Why is she always blushing around this girl? She really needs to stop if she doesn't want to be obvious. "You're so kind and genuine, too. I really enjoy your coming here." Emily grins, and under the dim lighting, Lynn can almost swear that her cheeks are turning a slight shade of pink, too.

Then Emily's expression changes, one of slight panic, but she swallows hard and hides it. "What is it?" Lynn asks, sitting up a little straighter and leaning forward. Emily shakes her head, and the blonde nods, understanding that it might not be a topic to bring up at the moment.

There's a small silence again, and the pair begin working on their projects again. Lynn adds to her sketch and listens to the music playing through Emily's earbuds, hoping that the other girl is really alright. There are less tearstains on her face tonight, but she seems to be more numb and lost in thought than normal.

The feeling washes over her again, the awful feeling that something is going to happen. She shoves it away and allows her eyes to flicker from her point of reference to Emily, allowing her eyes to fill with beauties of the world.

The clock on the wall states that there are only forty-five minutes left before sunrise. Lynn doesn't want to say goodnight. Her eyes fight the light, not looking forward to having to say goodbye to the other girl. The more time that she spends with her, the more difficult it gets to do so.

Slowly, Lynn allows her concentration to drift back to Emily, to the music playing in her own ear as she pretends to be working. Every night brings a different artist, and tonight's is---Lynn looks down at the tiny sheet of torn paper that Emily slipped her a little earlier---a musician called nothing,nowhere. Every time that the raven-haired girl allows herself to cry a little more, she claims that the music is making her do it, and Lynn partially believes it, but she's still not buying it fully.

The girl in front of her pulls out her own notebook and flips through it quickly, apparently trying to block a few of the drawings from Lynn's view by the way that she holds the book. This piques the blonde's curiosity even more, but she shoves the feeling aside, knowing that Emily has a right to keep any information to herself that she wants.

The shorter girl takes a sip of her tea, which is cooling now, and looks up for a split second as the taller girl turns the page.

All she can see is a drawing of blood and barbed wire, someone being strangled with it.

The someone looks like Emily.

She blinks and it disappears behind blank pages, an untold story in the rearview mirror.

The tea is a little harder to swallow now, so she puts the mug down, trying to keep her hands from shaking. As badly as she wants to ask, she wasn't supposed to see it. She can't upset Emily, and she doesn't want to make her leave. There's got to be an explanation.

Lynn only hopes that she can learn it soon.

All she knows that Emily isn't as okay as she claims to be while they're together. Even her quiet explanations of sadness don't hold a candle to what seems to be in that journal.

Of course, it was just one page and Lynn may be jumping to conclusions.

Better safe than sorry, though.

Both girls work in silent, comfortable peace until the sun rises.

~ ~ ~

"We're going to take the next step," Brian informs Lynn as soon as she answers her phone.

"What?" Lynn asks, beginning to pace a little. "The next step in what?"

"Music. Alex, Justin, and I all want to actually save up, get the best equipment we can, and record our stuff."

A huge smile makes its way across Lynn's face, and she wishes that Brian was right in front of her so she could give him a hug instead of simply stating how excited she was for them. "That's amazing, guys! I'm so happy for you!" she exclaims, getting looks from the people on the campus around her. She lowers her tone with slight embarrassment. "When are you going to start?"

"As soon as we can. But Lyndsey," Brian starts, and Lynn's nose twitches as she realizes what's coming. "Are you sure that you aren't comfortable with being in this band?"

"I---I don't know, Brian," she responds, mixed emotions running through her. Music is her dream. She just doesn't know if she can do as well as the boys, or give as much as they can. It scares her to death, but she wants it so badly she can taste it. "I mean, I do want it. I really do. But I'm just---I don't know, I second-guess myself a lot, and---"

"Come on, Lyndsey," Brian tries to coax, his voice growing softer. "You're amazing. We've had these dreams since school, remember? Ever since the note in class, we've known that we want to be Paris together. And it'll feel like part of it is missing without you." Sadness fills his voice at the thought of not having Lynn with them.

"I'll definitely consider it," she replies after a moment. Can she really stop art school for her true dream? She doesn't know. There's a passion inside her for both, one just a little in front of the other. The blonde has always liked weighing pros and cons, being given time to consider what she wants. It makes her feel a little better than just diving in headfirst.

"Really?" Brian exclaims happily on the other end, and Lynn smiles as she realizes that he's most likely doing a little happy dance. "Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome," Lynn says with a tiny giggle. "I'll be thinking it through. See you soon." Brian says his own goodbyes, and she hangs up, sighing a little.

A ton of thought is going to have to go into this.

~ ~ ~

Lynn shows up to work earlier than usual, going ahead and cleaning everything that she can. Cleaning helps her think. And that's what she needs more than anything right now.

Maybe she can explain the situation to Emily when she shows up. It could definitely be helpful to have the opinion of someone who is not directly involved or affected by this decision.

Plus, she can discreetly ask if Emily finds musicians attractive.

Though it would also help to know whether or not Emily is attracted to women. She'll have to think of a way to be discreet about that one. They haven't known each other long enough for one to just come out and ask without making the situation slightly awkward.

Lynn is going to get on that. Right now.

She abandons idea after idea, building up courage and then losing it again, and then midnight strikes.

Emily still isn't here.

Lynn sits down with her drawing and works at their booth, trying to not let her worry get to her. Life happens. Maybe she's just a little late. Something could be holding her up.

Twelve thirty comes.

And then one.

Lynn finishes the drawing off, one she's imagined of the boys playing, with a fading silhouette of herself in front of them, everything working with or without her. Above them, she has written Paris.

Emily still hasn't shown.

Her cup of tea is cold when Lynn finally gets up and pours it down the drain at three a.m.

For the first time in almost a week, Lynn locks up alone, the sadness and loneliness overtaking her brain yet again.


	5. c o n f e s s i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emily finally confides in Lynn with one of her darkest secrets.

Lynn's thoughts are filled with nothing but worry and slight hurt as she walks onto her college campus. She's still wondering about why Emily never made it, wondering if she's okay, wondering if she'd done something to make the other girl want to stay away and never come back. 

The darkness in her head is growing larger, and she's convinced that the older girl had felt it so she'd ran far away. 

Lynn doesn't blame her. 

She clutches her books to her chest a little more tightly, feeling the darkness continuing to seep into her brain and her veins, all of the fight left in her cowering and disappearing in its wake. This feeling is the worst, but she can't destroy it, can't do anything except shut down every other feeling in her body, too. She doesn't want to be numb, so she allows her emotions to destroy her. She lets them win.

Slowly, she looks up to see a very familiar tall, dark-haired girl standing in front of her campus building, the same one that she is currently heading towards. A surge of hope fills her chest as she rushes forward, making the other girl look up with widened eyes. When she sees it's Lynn, she smiles and catches Lynn in a hug, spinning her around a little bit before letting her go, catching Lynn slightly off-guard. Though the blonde wouldn't mind being greeted like that by Emily more often. "Hello, my best friend," she says quietly with a smile.

"Well, hello to you, too, my best friend," Lynn giggles, the words and actions making her grin. It hasn't been the longest time, but she would definitely consider the girl up there with Brian, Alex, and Justin. No one else in her life has known so much about her or has seemed to care so much for her in a long time. 

"I'm so sorry for not showing up last night. I didn't mean to stand you up." Lynn can't help but laugh at Emily's choice of words, also feeling a slight flutter in her heart. To anyone else, the way they're acting and talking right now would definitely sound like they were a couple. "I just got tired and did manage to sleep. When I woke up, though, I was going to meet you but was stopped."

"What stopped you?" Lynn asks, raising her eyebrows a little. It's definitely piquing her interest, knowing that there's something that Emily wants to tell her but hasn't yet. This seems like it's part of that ordeal.

"I, um, I'll explain it tonight," the other girl says, casting her eyes to the ground self-consciously. "It's not really something I would be comfortable explaining with so many people around."

"That's okay," Lynn says, placing a supportive hand on the girl's shoulder. "Take your time. I understand." There's silence for a moment, and then Lynn adds, "How did you know where to find me, anyway?"

"I remembered that you said you were going to college here, taking morning classes on the odd days, and I just went from there, asking other people if they knew what class Lyndsey Gunnulfsen had first. It freaked me out a little when no one seemed to know who I was talking about, so I finally just decided to wait until I spotted you. I got lucky and chose the right building, I guess." Lynn has to laugh a little at the revelation of no one really knowing her. She does keep to herself quite a lot in class. Though poor Emily does seem a little shaken by it.

"I'm glad I found you," Lynn smiles. "I would've hated for you to come this way and not get to talk like you wanted. Plus, I was kind of worried last night about you, but I'll be able to concentrate on classwork now." She giggles again, and Emily gives her an apologetic smile. 

"Yeah, sorry about that again." She pulls out her phone and types something into it. "Hey, is it okay if we take a picture together? My other friends want to see a picture of the 'mystery girl' that I keep on talking about."

"Of course," Lynn says happily, moving closer to Emily and wrapping an arm around the other girl, smiling for the camera. Emily does the same, taking the photo and putting her arm down to look at it. The blonde moves so she can see it, too. "Aw, that's cute."

"Only because you're in it," Emily smirks.

Lynn raises her eyebrows slightly at the compliment, then smirks as well. "I think you're mistaken, you're the only cute one here."

"I will fight you on this," Emily laughs, and Lynn rolls her eyes, shaking her head slightly and causing her hair to fall into disarray.

"Later, okay? I'm so sorry, but I've gotta get to class."

"Of course." Emily reaches forward and slowly tucks a strand of Lynn's hair behind her ear, making the blonde's breath catch in her throat. "See you tonight." One last smile makes its way across the raven-haired girl's face, and then she turns and makes her departure.

Lynn rushes to class, unable to stop the huge smile on her lips.

Needless to say, she can't concentrate on the lesson after all.

~ ~ ~

The diner is quiet as Lynn sweeps quickly, wanting to get done for the night as fast as possible so she'll have more time with Emily tonight. She got here later than usual, and there's no way that she's going to spend quality time with her friend cleaning. The other girl is so much more important.

She's just putting the broom back into the closet when the other girl appears at the window, earlier than expected. Lynn jumps a little when she hears the bell ring and whirls around, seeing Emily walking to her usual spot. With a large grin, the blonde places the broom in its spot and rushes over to the booth.

"Hey! Long time, no see," she jokes, sliding into her spot with a small giggle. 

"Not sure if I've ever seen you before. There's no way that I could ever forget that pretty face," Emily smiles, reaching across the table and poking Lynn playfully. The younger girl gives her a sweet smile and closes her eyes, a blush dusting her cheeks.

Is Emily flirting with her?

No, it's probably all in her head. There's no need to get her hopes up just yet.

A small giggle escapes Lynn's lips as she sits down in front of the other girl. Then she hits the table with the palm of her hand as she realizes something. "I forgot the tea! I'm so sorry, I got here late and just finished up cleaning. But I can still get some for you, if you want," she offers kindly, preparing to get up again. She looks down at Emily's hands, which are shaking ever so slightly. "It might help you relax."

"Please," the other girl says, her voice small. "And please let me pay for it this time. You do too much."

"In your dreams, Emily Scott," the blonde giggles, getting up from the table and messing with the older girl's hair affectionately. "It's courtesy to buy a beautiful lady a drink." Emily's cheeks turn pink and Lynn giggles again, straightening up before heading into the kitchen.

Two can play at this game.

As the tea brews, Lynn looks through the tiny window to see fresh tears running down the other girl's face as she pulls out a battered white journal and opens it. Panic washes over the blonde and she rushes out of the kitchen at top speed. She approaches the girl, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay, honey?" she asks as Emily flinches.

"Yeah. Yeah." The raven-haired girl nods, as if trying to convince herself, and wipes the tears away. "I'm just---just preparing myself for what I want to tell you." 

Lynn nods, rubbing a few comforting circles on Emily's skin with her thumb. "It's okay. Honestly, take your time. And you don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with sharing."

"I'm okay with it, I promise. Just nervous." A quick flash of a smile appears on Emily's lips, and then it's gone. 

Lynn caresses her face gently. "You're okay. It's alright. It's only me you're talking to."

The urge to just lean down and give Emily a gentle kiss blossoms, and it takes all of the blonde's strength that she's built up internally to resist the prominent feeling.

It's too early.

Instead, she loops her arm around Emily's shoulders and gives the other girl a one-armed hug. "You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?" Emily nods, and Lynn keeps her close for a moment before going to get the tea.

After a moment, she returns with both mugs and sets them on the table in their respective places. Then she sits down as Emily sips her tea with a shaky hand. "I don't know how to start this, so I just will." Lynn nods, taking her hand and intertwining their fingers to soothe her. "I have a set of conditions in my brain that have led to psychosis."

Lynn sits in silence for a moment, thinking of all she knows about the word. It's a symptom of schizophrenia, but not the disorder itself. Psychosis is normally described as auditory and visual hallucinations, and it can be caused by stress or trauma, as well as other factors. It is hard to understand what is real and what is not.

The blonde continues to trace patterns on Emily's skin, waiting for her to continue. When she doesn't, Lynn looks up to see the other girl's eyes waiting, pleading for her to say something. "It's okay, Emily. Go on," she murmurs soothingly. "I'm right here."

"There are these---these awful things that follow me. They never stop. I call them the Thirteen." Slowly, Emily slides her notebook over to Lynn, who takes it with her free hand. On the first page is a very lifelike drawing of a man, his face contorted in agony, hands bound together and arms twisted at an unnatural angle, blood running freely from glass shards impaled all throughout his body. "They---They want me dead, Lynn. They want me to suffer the way that they have all this time." The raven-haired girl's voice catches in her throat, and she begins to cry even more.

Lynn keeps holding her hand as she navigates the journal. Graphic drawings are everywhere, including a man with hacked-off limbs and a teenage girl with a butcher knife, a horrible smile slit into her face and her throat slashed open. "That's Jill," Emily informs her, pointing at the young girl. "She lives in my apartment. She's the most prominent of them. I fear that she will be the one to kill me in the end. Well, her or Damian." Emily turns the page with her own free hand, pointing to a drawing of a tall man with barbed wire looped around his throat, cutting into it deeply. "He follows me here every night. He has wires for me, too. He's always there, just waiting for the moment to use them." 

There are more, Lynn knows, but she can't go through them right now. Not with Emily in such a vulnerable state, and not when her own stomach is tied in knots and she can't breathe. 

"And I get good people, too. Kind people. Friends. But my brain manages to find a way to take them. It takes them all, whether they slip away from me or Jill, Damian, and the others get to them. It kills me knowing how many friends I've lost, friends I've never had." A choked sob escapes her lips. "That's another reason why I took that picture of you today. After no one knew who you were, I just had to make sure that my friends could see you too. I had to make sure that you were real. Sometimes, you're so amazing that I feel like I have to be making you up."

Lynn shakes her head, a small smile appearing despite the situation. Curse this girl for always being so charming, even in the sad state she's in. "I'm real, honey. I'm real and I will always be here for you. No matter what."

"Thank you," Emily says gratefully, a smile forming on her face and warming Lynn's heart. "I'll always be here for you, too."

"Thank you." After the blonde speaks, silence falls over the pair. It is broken when Emily slides the notebook over to Lynn. Her eyebrows raise slightly as the notebook is placed into her grasp. "What are you doing?"

"I trust you. If you really want to know what's going on inside my head, I'll let you. But please don't read it here, I don't know if I could take it. You don't have class tomorrow, right?" Lynn shakes her head, pleasantly surprised that she cares enough to memorize her schedule. "If you want, you can read it and meet me tomorrow. I'll be---I'll be at the skate park around four thirty. We can talk then, if you want." Emily gives her a quick smile. "For now, he's got the barbed wire around my throat too tight. I have to go back home, stop the blood. I'll see you around, Lynn." She pushes herself up, stumbling as Lynn stares at her, not knowing what to say or do. As she exits and turns the corner, the blonde finally shakes herself out of her daze.

The journal is right in front of her.

All of the answers, the key into Emily's brain.

Part of her feels like she's already seen too much, but the other part, the larger and more insistent part, feels like she needs to know more, needs to find out all that she can in the hopes of helping the other girl.

Finally, after a few moments, Lynn sighs and opens the journal back up and begins to examine the drawings, reading carefully.


	6. e x a m i n i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lynn finally gets inside of Emily's head.

_Trigger Warning: Abuse, homophobia, gore, and suicidal ideation. Stay safe, everyone. I love you._

The journal seems to weigh a hundred pounds as Lynn picks it up, tearing her eyes away from the drawings and words, and carries it into the back room. Even though the diner is empty, something doesn't feel right about reading something so private out in the open.

    Lynn feels safer with her back pressed against the wall, sliding down to the floor. Now that she's in a more secure location, she feels better about opening the journal. Quickly, she turns to the page where she left off.

    Two self-portraits face her now. Both are heavy and dark, drawn in scribbled pencil. One depicts Emily swinging from a barbed wire noose, a dark figure in the shadows of the forest behind her. The other portrays the raven-haired girl in a mirror, holding a knife and staring at her blood-slathered face, covered in slits.

    On the other side of the second drawing, a heavy scrawl appears. _Who will be the one to kill me in the end? Who will take my soul?_

    Lynn has to stop for a moment, so she rests her head against the wall and takes a deep breath as she processes what's going on. Her stomach feels like it's tied in knots. She wants to help the other girl but doesn't know how.

    _Are there only pictures in here, or are there other things?_ At the thought, the blonde flips to the back of the journal.

    In the same scrawl, quotes are placed all throughout the very back page. One in the middle catches her eye first: _You are one of God's mistakes, you crying, tragic waste of skin._

    The quote makes the backs of Lynn's eyes sting. Sadness courses through her body as she stares down at the words. Is this what Emily actually thinks of herself?

    Three angry scrawls in a row catch her eye next. 

    _Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new._

    _Change your taste to men._

    _I abused my soul, my heart, my body for the sexuality I didn't choose._

    A familiar ache runs through Lynn's chest as she reads over the quotes once more. She vividly remembers the imprisoned feeling she had once, the one of not accepting herself fully, of the way it'd hurt to know that society would treat her differently based on who she loved. But she got through that.

    Now she hopes that Emily can do the same.

    Lynn runs her fingers across the dried tears stained across the page. "I'm sorry, honey, I'm so sorry," she murmurs as a lump forms in her throat. Then she continues flipping through, her stomach twisting at the thought of what she might find.

    There are many blank pages in the middle, and Lynn is beginning to think that she's reached the end when indentions make an appearance. The blonde hastily flips forward, finally stumbling upon journal entries, the last few including her name. Even though she longs to read them, she knows that it would be for the best to start at the beginning. She did make a promise to herself that she was going to go through all of it. 

    Quickly, she fumbles through more pages until she reaches the first page, dated December 8, 2016. A little over a year from today. 

    _It feels almost impossible to stare into my mother's eyes knowing that I have let her down. It's impossible to live under the same roof, to eat in the same kitchen, to sit on the same couch as her while knowing that I'm hiding something that will make her hate me for the rest of my life. Maybe it can be hidden. Maybe I can die without her knowing. I almost got that far already._

    _My little sister Jana knows that something's up. I can tell by the way that she looks at me. We've always had a strong bond, and we know when something's wrong with each other. It's not that I wouldn't trust her with this. She's loving. She's accepting. She would never tell Mom purposefully. But it would slip. It would slip like it always does._

    _No one can ever know._

    Sighing softly, Lynn turns the page with an aching heart. All she wants to do is wrap Emily in her arms and never let the other girl go.

_December 25, 2016_

    _As I fell asleep last night, Jana asked me a heart-stopping question._

    _"Em," she said slowly, turning over in her bed so she could face mine, "I'm going to ask something, and please don't get mad at me. I just want to know. Are you---Do you like girls?"_

    _Her voice was soft, but it roared in my head like the aftermath of a gunshot. It felt like everything was collapsing at once. All of my walls, all of my security, all of my organs, leaving nothing but rubble in their wake._

    _"Why---Why would you think that?" I stuttered out, trying to sound as calm as possible._

    _"You just seem different around them, I've noticed. You get this look in your eye, the same one that my friends get when they see cute guys." I bit my lip, my mind racing at a million miles an hour. How was I supposed to lie to her? "You know you can talk to me, right, Em?"_

    _"Yeah, I know," I replied with a small smile, and then I turned back over. "Though I've never looked at a girl like that. Plus, there's Lucas." The beard who only half-knows that he's a beard. He knows that I need a fake boyfriend and he's always happy to comply, but he doesn't know the reason why we're pretending._

    _"Bisexual people exist," Jana pointed out, and I could almost hear the cogs turning in her sixteen-year-old brain._

    _"I know. I'm not, though." With that, I closed my eyes and tried to calm my racing heart._

    _I really hope that she never finds out._

    _I'm terrified, though. If she's catching on, then that means Mom might be, too._

  _January 1, 2017_

    _Her name was Amanda._

    _New Year's Eve was last night, and we were at the party of a mutual friend. We were the only two sober people there, I think. Everybody else was having a great time, laughing drunkenly and speaking loudly, too loud to think. We went outside to get some fresh air._

    _I don't know how long we talked or how long her head was on my shoulder, my fingers running through her dark brown hair. Our eyes were on each other for an eternity, mundane hazel meeting unearthly blue._

    _When we heard the countdown from ten, those unearthly blue eyes flickered down to my lips. "May I?" she asked softly._

    _"Yes," I murmured, my heart pounding and my hands shaking._

    _Our lips met, softly at first, then more passionately. There was something about it that just felt right. I don't even know how to explain it. Her hands were on my waist and my quivering fingers were in her hair._

    _Her name was Amanda, and she was the first girl I ever kissed._

    _After the party, I went home and collapsed into bed, sobbing as I thought of everything._

    _I thought of the way that I wanted to kiss my neighbor Bree at the age of nine._

    _I thought of the way that my best friend Brooke had sat on my lap at the age of thirteen so we could fit six people in a car holding five, and the way that my heart raced for ages after that._

    _I thought of the first boy I kissed at the age of fourteen, the way it didn't feel right and the way that I never wanted to kiss any boy again._

    _I thought of the way I did anyway, especially when I saw a girl that I found beautiful._

    _I've kissed boys a lot._

    _I've hated it every single time._

    _It's never made me comfortable, never felt like home._

    _Amanda felt comfortable. Amanda felt like home._

    _So for the very first time, approaching the age of twenty-four, I curled up into my blankets and sobbed, hating myself for the truth. Hating myself for knowing that I would let everyone I loved down. For the very first time, I allowed the words to escape from my lips._

    _"I'm gay."_

_January 2, 2017_

    _Mom heard me last night._

    _Everything still hurts._

    _Sorry for all the blood._

    _My lip split open again._

    Lynn stares at the page in horror, looking at the blood drops that coat it. What had Emily's mother _done_ to her?

    Feeling sick to her stomach, she continues to read.

_February 22, 2017_

_Sometimes her soul is so intertwined with mine  
That I consider taking my life  
Knowing that I will only be hated and despised  
For having a wife.  
And it hurts so badly to hear  
That my heart is flawed by design  
When it beats so fast  
Imagining her lips pressed against mine. _

_March 15, 2017_

    _What would happen if I died today?_

    _It could be so easy._

    _Just slit my throat with Jill's butcher knife, maybe carve into my face a little first. Maybe I'll be pretty then. Maybe I'll finally be good enough for my mother. Slather my blood on the mirror, make it trace fire across my skin like Amanda's kiss does._

    _Bleed my feelings out for not being the right ones to have._

    _It aches to live._

    _On the ides of March, maybe I'll finally get lucky._

_April 7, 2017_

    _Mom hit me again for the first time in a while. Just when I thought I was doing good, I came home with Amanda's bruise on my neck._

    _Her fist connected with my jaw like it has a hundred times before, and I crawled under the table again out of fear. Mom bellowed and screamed at me from under there, then dragged the chairs out from the table and grabbed my ankles, dragging me out.  I waited for the familiar sensation of hands wrapped around my throat, cutting off my oxygen. Instead, she pulled me upright by the hair and yelled some more before shoving me away._

    _Two times in one day that I got yelled at._

    _Two bruises on my body in one day._

    _Two bruises from anger, zero from love._

_May 30, 2017_

        _Amanda's leaving me. I don't know whether to be devastated or relieved._

_January 8, 2018_

    _I met a girl last night. Her name was Lyndsey, and she's really great. Very sweet (and extremely gorgeous)._

    I just hope that she actually exists. I can't let my brain take somebody this amazing away from me again. 

    _And if she actually exists, I hope that she's anything but the way Amanda was._

_January 10, 2018_

    _Lyndsey makes me feel really warm inside. It's a happiness, a sort of comfort that I haven't felt in a long time. I'm still keeping a bit of distance, though, only because I want to make sure that she's not going to turn against me. We've talked for hours on end the past few nights, and I feel really connected to her._

_January 12, 2018_

    _Lyndsey is real, and I couldn't be happier._

    Though her heart still hurts and she's on the verge of tears, Lynn can't help but smile at the last three entries. It makes her ecstatic to know that she's making Emily happy. The girl definitely deserves something good in her life, though it's shocking that the good thing seems to be her.

    Slowly, Lynn rises from the floor, her body still shaking from the horrible things she just read, and runs a hand through her hair, wondering what to do. She wants to talk to the older girl right now and make sure that she's okay, but she still has no way to reach her. The blonde sighs, guessing that the skate park at four thirty tomorrow is her best option.

    Until then, everything will have to wait.

    She packs the journal into her backpack carefully, setting it among her artwork, and zips it. Then she grabs both of their mugs, dumping the contents into the drain and sighing a little when she sees the five dollar bill Emily taped to the side when Lynn wasn't looking.

    Another excuse to see her tomorrow.

    Lynn smiles and rolls her eyes, tucking the five into the smallest pocket of the backpack. Then she locks up the diner and makes her way out, trying to shake the odd feeling of being watched as she goes.

 

 

_Songs quoted in this chapter:_

_"Song To Say Goodbye" by Placebo_

_"Girls Like Girls" by Hayley Kiyoko_

_A slightly changed version of "Taste In Men" by Placebo_

_"Pull The Thorns From Your Heart" by Senses Fail_


	7. s k a t i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lynn and Emily pass time together outside of the diner.

The journal feels like it's burning a hole in Lynn's back as she sits in class, itching to leave. For the last hour, she's been trying to shove the antsy feeling away and concentrate on her art for assignments, but it's to no avail. Her feet tap against the floor rapidly, fingers itching to pull out the journal, to read through it again.

When her professor dismisses the class after what feels like an eternity, Lynn is the first one out, pulling her pack over her shoulder. She rushes out into the cool January air, hoping to beat the crowd. Making it to her car, she watches for a moment to make sure there's no traffic, and then she backs out, looking up the skate park's address and typing it into her GPS.

The drive to the park is quick, mainly because the blonde is driving a little too fast. She makes it fifteen minutes before she's due. She parks in the half-full lot and pulls out her phone and the journal, attempting to distract herself, but she can't stop shifting in her seat, so she gives up. Opening the door, she invites the cool breeze into the hot car. Then she gets out, shutting the door and locking it.

The sound of skateboards rolling on ramps fills the air. Lynn walks past groups of guys and girls doing various tricks. She keeps an eye out for the beautiful girl as she keeps going, and she finally spots the older girl on her own, head covered with a black helmet as she does a flip on the ramp before coming to a stop.

"Emily!" Lynn calls, and the other girl turns around, a large smile crossing her features as she realizes who's behind her. The blonde rushes forward and captures her in a hug, swaying a little as she does so.

"Hey, Lynn," Emily giggles into her ear, wrapping her arms around the younger girl. "You came back."

"Of course I did," Lynn murmurs. "I will always come back for you." She releases her, smiling wider when she takes a step back and realizes how good Emily looks. Though it's cold, she's clad in a black Thrasher tank top and black basketball shorts. Her tattoo is finally visible, an intricate wolf designed in black ink on her right bicep. Her dark hair is pulled into a ponytail, showing off multiple piercings in both ears. Lynn grins and tries to commit it all to memory.

After a moment, she recalls the reason for which she came. Quickly, she holds the journal out. "I finished it last night."

Emily takes the book gratefully. "Thank you. How---um, how much did you see?"

"All of it. Front to back." Lynn gives her a sad, sympathetic smile. Emily bites her lip, averting her gaze, so the blonde holds her arms out once more. "C'mere," she murmurs, and the raven-haired girl falls into her embrace. "It's okay." Lynn runs a soothing hand across her back. "You're okay, honey. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And if you ever need a place to stay, my door is always open."

"Thank you so much," Emily says gratefully, and Lynn feels her grip tighten. "You have no idea how much I needed that. I know it's stupid to feel alone, but I guess I just do sometimes."

"It's understandable. I used to feel the same way. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here."

"Thank you. Wait," Emily pauses, pulling away and studying the younger girl's features, "you're---you're---?"

Lynn leans in and whispers in Emily's ear, "I heard you're gay. Me too, it's great." Her giggle further breaks the tension in the air, and Emily pulls her in for another hug, laughing and swaying even more. Finally, they let go of each other and lock gazes.

"So you're not afraid of me? Of all the things I see and think?"

"Not at all," Lynn answers honestly. "It's not your fault."

They're both quiet for a moment, and then Lynn focuses her attention to the dark blue board at Emily's feet. "You can keep on, I don't mind."

Emily grins as if she's just had a wonderful idea. "Have you ever tried skateboarding before?" Lynn laughs nervously, shaking her head. "Do you want to?"

The blonde runs a hand through her hair, then shrugs and gives the older girl a smile. "Sure."

"Alright." She steps back, providing Lynn with space to step on. Lynn cautiously places her weight on the board. Wobbling, she plants her feet on the ground.

"Wait," Emily says, unbuckling her helmet before reaching up and placing it gently on the younger girl's head, buckling it securely. "Just in case."

A fond smile plays on Lynn's lips as she touches the helmet in slight surprise. "Thank you." With that, she pushes off and windmills as she tries to keep her balance and fails. Pain shoots through her and she grits her teeth as she lands flat on her butt with the wind knocked out of her lungs. Emily's by her side in an instant, asking if she's okay, helping pull her off the ground, brushing pebbles off of the blonde's clothes.

Finally, her voice comes back. "I'm okay. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Do you feel alright? If you need to go to the emergency room---"

"I'm alright, Em," Lynn laughs, cutting the slightly hysterical girl off. "No broken tailbone or anything. I'm just a little unsteady, is all."

"Good. Are you up for another try? I think I have an idea." Lynn nods, and Emily quickly rushes to grab the retreating skateboard. Rolling it back, she instructs, "Okay, put both feet on the board, close together." The blonde obeys and jumps a little when she feels arms wrapping around her waist. "I've got you," the older girl mumbles into her ear as she pushes off.

Lynn could get used to this close proximity.

Emily continues standing on the board and guiding them around as Lynn pulls out her phone to take a picture. "Smile!" she calls, and the other girl does.

The resulting photo is slightly blurry. Lynn's eyes are closed and her mouth is open in a happy laugh. Strands of her hair are blowing in Emily's face, but the other girl continues to smile.

Of the many photos she's taken over the course of her life, this one is by far her favorite.

Quickly, she sends the picture to the group chat with Alex, Brian, and Justin, including a message that jokes, _This one is making me learn to skate no matter what!_ Then she pockets her phone and turns her full attention back to the rattling of the skateboard, the cool wind against her face, and the arms around her waist.

Maybe she should meet up here with Emily more often.

There's no way to tell how long they go on. It feels like both a moment and a blissful eternity between them, and then the momentum finally slows before completely stopping. Lynn grins at Emily, who returns it while slightly panting. "That was fun," the blonde states. "Thank you."

"It really was, and no need to thank me," Emily replies, looking up at the sky. Lynn looks up, too, noticing that it's growing darker around them. "Would you like to come to my house? We could hang out there for a while. I could bring you back for your car whenever you're ready. People leave them here all the time."

"Sure, that sounds good," the younger girl replies with a smile, unbuckling the helmet and handing it back to the raven-haired girl, who tucks it under her arm and picks up the board. A comfortable silence falls over them as they walk out of the park and to Emily's vehicle. As they walk, Lynn has to fight the urge to take the older girl's hand in hers.

Emily leads her to an old, red Toyota Tacoma and unlocks it, opening the passenger-side door before motioning Lynn in with a grin. "Thank you," she says before climbing in. The door is carefully closed, and the blonde sinks into the comfortable seat. The truck smells like pine, and she can't help but inhale deeply, taking in the wonderful scent. Emily gets in as well, and they begin moving.

"You can plug your phone into the aux cord if you want," the raven-haired girl offers kindly, handing the cord over.

"That's okay," Lynn declines politely. "I like your music." Emily pulls out her phone and hands it over to the blonde, who plugs the cord in. She slides her finger across the screen, expecting a lock to pop up for the password, but she gains direct access to everything. Deciding that it might be better to not ask, she goes to the music app and hits shuffle.

" _You are one of God's mistakes, you crying, tragic waste of skin_..."

The song quoted in Emily's notebook begins playing instantly, and Lynn catches the other girl's sad smile. It loses the mournfulness after a moment, and she turns to the blonde. "This is Placebo, my favorite band," she explains. "I would tell you that they're really good, but I'm extremely biased, so I'll let you determine for yourself." The volume increases slightly, and Lynn closes her eyes, allowing the music to fill her brain.

There's sadness but comfort, pain but relief in it all, and she can see why Emily loves it so much.

When the song fades out and Hayley Kiyoko replaces it, Lynn can't help but laugh a little. It's a total mood change. "I agree, that was really good," she finally determines, turning to look at Emily. "Your music taste never fails to be great."

"Aw, thanks," the other girl says happily. "I could say the same for yours." A comfortable silence falls over them for a moment, and then Emily breaks it again. "In case you're wondering, Jana's going to be home, but Mom shouldn't be for quite a while, so we'll be good."

Lynn nods. "I'm excited to meet your sister. She sounds really nice from what I've read and from what you've told me."

"She is. Despite the age difference, we've always been really close."

"That's great. Does she---Does she know?" Lynn hesitates on the question, but it manages to slip out anyway.

"She does. She learned the same day that Mom did. She's very supportive of me, though. Just like I am with her."

"That's great," Lynn smiles. "What about Lucas?"

"Yeah, he knows, too. I was afraid that Mom would get to him first and misconstrue everything if I didn't tell him. He handled it well, and everything seemed to click, and he gave me the biggest hug and told me he was proud of me. I haven't gotten to see him in a while. He's with his actual girlfriend, living in Connecticut with their baby."

"Aww." Warmth spreads over Lynn, and she can't help but be ecstatic that Emily has had some good experiences with telling people. She deserves all of the good in the world. "I'm proud of you, too."

"Thank you. You're amazing, Lynn, you know that?"

Lynn feels her cheeks heating up. "No, that's definitely you." She catches the way that Emily's cheeks turn a deep pink and is even more overjoyed. The older girl is adorable when she's embarrassed.

The soft music fills the car once more, and Lynn listens a little harder. Maybe if she internalizes the words, commits them all to memory and engraves them in her brain, she can begin to understand what is going on inside of the older girl's head. As the songs change, the blonde looks to the other to gauge her reaction, which songs make her look excited and which ones make her seem forlorn.

"... _I was born a virgin, covered in blood and free of sin, and that's the exact shape I wanna make when I jump off this bridge_..."

This is the only line, Lynn finds, that makes a tear roll down Emily's cheek. The blonde rests a gentle hand on her shoulder, and the raven-haired girl gives her a grateful half-smile.

Finally, they pull up to a white one-story house in a subdivision, no other cars in the driveway. The yard is trimmed and neat, and the porch looks brand new. However, there is nothing else outside, which is somewhat surprising to Lynn. Emily kills the engine and they both get out of the car, Lynn never leaving her side. The blonde's nerves are wracked and she's not sure why.

Emily turns the key in the lock and the door swings open, revealing a small, clean kitchen and living room. These rooms are spotless, with no dishes in the sink and nothing on the brown leather couch, save for a small figure lying across the cushions. The floorboards creak as Lynn crosses the threshold, Emily right by her side. As they approach, the silhouette rises to form the shape of a young woman, about seventeen, with long, brown hair and fair skin like her sister's. Her eyes are a deep brown, Lynn finds as they flicker to meet her gaze. 

This must be Jana.

"Hey, sis," Emily greets, wrapping the smaller girl in an embrace. 

"Hey," Jana says warmly, returning the hug. As she lets go, her eyes move back over to Lynn. She smiles. "Who's this?"

"This is Lyndsey, the friend that I've been telling you about." Lynn returns the smile and waves at Jana, who shows a certain level of amusement in her grin.

"Nice to meet you," the blonde greets pleasantly.

"The pleasure's all mine," the young brunette replies. "I've heard so much about you."

"Good things, I hope?" Lynn turns to Emily, who replies with nothing, only smiles.

"We're gonna head in here, okay?" The raven-haired girl motions to a room in a hallway that is invisible to Lynn. Jana nods and lays back down, closing her eyes once more. Emily takes the blonde's hand and leads her into the hall, then to the left. A plain white room is the sight in front of her, with two beds pushed against one wall, a nightstand between them, and a television positioned atop a wooden dresser on the other. A bookshelf is in the far corner, half filled with books. The other half is a mixture of CDs and DVDs.

"Sorry it's not much," Emily apologizes, sitting on the edge of the bed on the right. She pats the mattress, and Lynn sits down next to her, crossing one leg over the other. 

"It's okay. I like it," Lynn responds, looking around. No matter where her eyes land, though, she always catches her gaze drifting back to Emily, to the unique swirls of green and brown in her irises, to the sharpness of her cheekbones, to the curve of her jaw, to the beautiful ink on her skin. 

"You can take off your shoes and jacket, if you want. Make yourself at home," Emily says, and Lynn nods, obeying. As soon as she slips out of the black jacket and reveals her white t-shirt, the other girl gasps slightly, looking down at Lynn's tattoos. "Sorry," she says with embarrassment. "They're just so beautiful. I never realized you had any." Lynn giggles and holds her arms out for examination, grinning as Emily traces the outline of the snake-wrapped woman carefully and looks over the rest of the ink observantly before reaching for her left arm. The ouroboros is traced next, then it stops. "What is NPNR?" she asks curiously.

The blonde laughs, running a hand through her hair. "No Parents, No Rules," she admits. "Can you tell that I was excited to move out?"

"Maybe just a little," Emily jokes. "And your tattoo is right. It sounds awesome." Her tone grows a little darker, but before Lynn can say anything, she asks, "What about Eid Mar?"

"It's my birthday. The fifteenth of March." The date seems to shake the other girl slightly, and Lynn instantly regrets admitting that, recalling the journal entry from last year. How long did Emily sit in that state of wondering how she should die? How long did she cry and shake, and what pulled her out of it?

Quickly, Lynn changes the subject. "Jana is really nice." The raven-haired girl hums in agreement, still looking down at all of the blonde's tattoos. "Why did she seem to act slightly differently when you said I was your friend?"

Emily bites her lip, and Lynn instantly feels bad about asking the question when the dark expression comes over the other girl's face. "I introduced Amanda as my friend, too."

Realization hits the younger girl like a truck, as well as the memory of the things she read last night about Amanda. It sends a wave of nausea over her, thinking about the things that the horrid woman put her sweet Emily through.

As silence comes over them once more, Emily goes from tracing Lynn's tattoos to absentmindedly playing with her fingers. Warmth fills the blonde's heart once more, and she hopes that Emily never stops. While the other girl is occupied, Lynn pulls out her phone with her free hand and looks at the group chat.

_bootymanmac: You look like you're enjoying yourself a little too much ;)_

_BAB$: I knew Emilynn was real :D_

_hpfanatic90: OTP_

_lanegoon: Guuuuys, it was a friendly outing_

_BAB$: Suuuuuure it was_

_hpfanatic90: You're only that happy when you're in love, hon_

_bootymanmac: You're totally in luuurve with her ;)_

_bootymanmac: When's the wedding_

_bootymanmac: I wanna be your best man_

_BAB$: Hey guys, Lyndsey Scott or Emily Gunnulfsen?_

_hpfanatic90: I say Em Gunn, not sure about you guys though_

_bootymanmac: Hold on just a second, I gotta make a change to something_

_lanescott: I hate all of you :(_

She pockets her phone and rolls her eyes with a smile. Those boys are going to be the death of her. Quickly, Lynn shifts her attention back to Emily, who's resting her head on Lynn's shoulder. The contact sends tiny shivers down the blonde's spine as she tries to remain as still and as casual as possible. 

"Would you like to watch a movie?" the older girl asks, and Lynn really doesn't want to, only because that means that Emily is going to get up and leave her and most likely not come back. They'll be on the same bed but she won't rest against the younger girl anymore and Lynn will be cold and feel lonelier again. But she nods anyway, and Emily does get up. "Anything in particular?"

"What's your all-time favorite movie?" The blonde feels funny in answering a question with a question, but she really wants to experience all of Emily's favorite things.

" _The Breakfast Club_. I know it's cliché," she admits sheepishly, looking down at the floor.

"It's not, I promise. Let's watch it."

"Okay," Emily nods, heading over to the bookshelf and picking it up. She heads over to the television and pops the disc in, turning on the TV, and, to Lynn's surprise, returns and rests her head on the younger girl's shoulder once more. Lynn smiles and wraps her arm around Emily's shoulders, making the older girl smile as well.

As the movie plays, the blonde can barely concentrate. Her gaze is still drawn mainly to the other girl, and she feels as if Emily keeps looking at her, too. The phone keeps buzzing in her pocket, the boys still talking to each other, but she wouldn't even dream of reaching for it at a time like this. She's absolutely content right where she is.

At some point, Emily falls asleep. Lynn's not sure when, but when she looks over, the other girl has her eyes closed, breathing softly. This causes another smile to play on the blonde's lips. She keeps rubbing circles onto the raven-haired girl's arm with her thumb, just in lighter, slower movements.

Lynn only breaks her gaze when Jana appears in the doorway, almost ready to say something. She stops when she sees her sister's head on the blonde's shoulder, Lynn's tender look returning to her sleeping face. She hears the brunette let out a small sigh of relief before heading away.

The sound of "Don't You (Forget About Me)" loudly blasting through the room wakes Emily from her slumber before Lynn can stop it. The older girl yawns sleepily and looks up at the blonde. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep. You should've woken me up."

"It's okay," Lynn replies. "I didn't mind at all. Besides, you probably needed that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I guess I did," Emily says with a smile. "So, what would you like to do now?"

Lynn's smile grows wider. "I think I have an idea."

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day!


End file.
